


Behind The Door

by Eternal Scribe (Shadowcat)



Category: Charmed
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-24
Updated: 2012-09-24
Packaged: 2017-11-14 23:24:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat/pseuds/Eternal%20Scribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She secretly watches him a lot these days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind The Door

She wondered if he ever knew that she came here like this? Did he ever sense that he was being watched or that he wasn't alone down here from time to time? Did he still feel her within him like he once had?

She was a silent spectator, coming to catch a glimpse of him, needing to know that he was still alive somewhere. She could sit here and watch him for hours if she had that kind of time... but she didn't. Every moment she stayed, was another moment she placed herself in danger of being discovered and tortured or killed. She would stay as long as she dared, watching him, assuring herself that he was still alive and mostly in one piece.

She knew that she shouldn't be doing this to herself. It just made letting go of him that much harder. She should just walk away and never look back. She shouldn't be stealing moments like this, hiding in the shadows of the Underworld to watch him down here.

She shouldn't be doing this. It was too dangerous. It could lead to her death and to his eternal damnation. She should just let him go... let go of what they had and move forward. It wasn't like their love had started out built on anything but lies and secrets. There had been no way to make it all work out after the things that had happened... after the death that had occurred.

She should go.

She should leave and never come back -- write him off as being lost to her forever.

Yet...

And yet she didn't.

Instead, she chose to remain hidden just a few moments longer.

She chose to stay hidden in the shadows of the most dangerous place for her to be.

She chose to be hidden just so she could catch a glimpse of him and remember what might have been.

She never stepped around the door... never let him see her. She stayed hidden behind the magical door that the Book of Shadows had helped her to create. It was the one thing that they would allow her in this forbidden desire of hers. The door was in place both as protection and a deterrent from doing something rash and foolhardy.

Like going to him, perhaps?

She knew that she shouldn't still be doing this. She should have turned her back on him a very long time ago. She should have cut him out of her heart and her soul the instant he betrayed everything she stood for.

To all outward appearances, she had done just that. She never spoke his name out loud. She never showed that being away from him hurt her more deeply than any pain she had ever known. She never referred to him at all --- acted like he had never existed in the first place. She had placed him and everything having to do with him behind a steel door in her mind where none could enter or leave. She had long since stopped reacting to anything that might remind her of him or what she had thought they had had between them.

She never acknowledged anything having to do with him...

...except when she was down here, behind this door, out of his sight and deep within the shadows of the Underworld. Only when she was here where no light could seek her out, only then was when she felt all of the pain and the loss hit her. This was when she was nearly overwhelmed by the love she still felt for him. When no one could see there tears sliding down her face was always the time that her protective shell would crack just a little bit.

The Witch was still in love with the Demon.

She stole down here to watch him and to wonder --- perhaps torturing herself just a little bit. In this time and in this place, he was so close to her, while at the same time being so very far away. More than just one door stood between the, now. Now... now they were trapped in two separate worlds. Worlds which should never intersect ever again. It was too dangerous. He would be the death of her if she allowed him to become aware...

Aware that she still loved him.

Aware that she ached for him.

Aware that she was dying without him.

It was too much of a risk. Too many people could be... would be... hurt if she ever let on that she couldn't cut herself free from the ghost of him.

So she was forced to remain hidden behind shadows and doors in the Underworld. She was forced to risk everything that she was and that she stood for to catch a few fleeting glimpses of the man she just couldn't stop loving.

She welcomed the pain that these secret forays brought to her because she knew that it meant she hadn't completely shut down all feeling. It showed her that in some ways, she was still alive, even if she didn't always feel like she was. Forays like this showed her that he was still alive and walking this world. That knowledge alone made every risk she was taking worth it. Knowing that he was still around somewhere made living life without him just a little more bearable. She hoped that the day never came where she would discover that he was no longer amond the living. That would be the last straw that she could take when it came to everything that had happened between them.

She couldn't stay much longer. She had already stayed past the point of guaranteed safety this time as it was. It was just so hard to watch him... and then to leave him without saying a word.

She wondered if he had ever wanted to check in on her like she was doing on him? Did he even think of her any longer? Or had that stopped once they had gone their separate ways after the dissolution of the relationship she had thought they had had?

She wiped tears from her eyes as she lifted a hand in an invisible farewell to him.

"I love you," she whispered softly, before laying a hand on the door and the spell started to surround her. "I will never forget you..."

She was suddenly gone just as silently as she had arrived.


End file.
